From the Wilderness

2012-02-08T17:57:00.000+03:00

I found a new cafe here in Qatar. "Aroma Cafe"
Really expensive sheesha, but a place that I can work from morning till night to write stories on deadlines.

2012-02-06T22:20:00.003+03:00

So I'm finally giving up my Aveo.

More Changes, Sweeter Ones

2012-02-05T09:40:00.001+03:00

Rejection brings out true colors, to what a person will do if you deprive them of hope. It's just procedure. Do I sound mean? I'm just being rational.

Some time ago in my life I drew a line between myself and the rest of the world. People talk so beautifully, they disregard half-truths and believe in what they want to believe, for a short time, at the expense of another person's stability in life. "Your my only one.." "I swear I will never change.." "My family is yours..." "Everything I have is yours..." "I'll always be the same..." "Even if you change and leave me.. I'll never change." Bullshit!

I remember my sister as a person with a very strong attitude. Nothing affected her. At least she pretended that it didn't. I often hoped that I could be strong like her. But this "strength" is not a characteristic, as it formed by development of certain feelings, and the disregard of the others.
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So, this guy called me yesterday to announce something that I've been expecting. I was expecting it, because it wasn't the first time for me to hear a sudden change in the mind of someone I cared. I was casually prepared this time. Two years ago, I would have been upset. I would have wondered were I went wrong. But now it's an everyday thing to see people come and go.

So this guy got the message, that I wanted to deliver, few months ago when I did not return his messages and calls and totally ignored his existence. And boom! he changed. I must admit I would have been weaker had I not had good friends to catch my back... I wish I had them in March 2010 too. Thumbs up to you guys! (Raphael, Moodie and my Bohemian!)
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They say you make a mistake once, and the second time it's a choice.

Tupac in my head... Keep ya Head up.

2012-02-02T15:24:00.000+03:00

Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots
I give a holler to my sisters on welfare
Tupac cares, if don't nobody else care
And uhh, I know they like to beat ya down a lot
When you come around the block brothas clown a lot
But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive but don't forget, girl keep your head up
And when he tells you you ain't nuttin don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you you should leave him

Cause sista you don't need him
And I ain't tryin to gas ya up, I just call em how I see em
You know it makes me unhappy (what's that)
When brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman

Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up

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2012-01-31T01:45:00.000+03:00

University is keeping me busy. I can't believe that I actually flipped through year 1,2 and 3 without fear and without reading a page or taking notes and casually submitting assignments on the 12th hour. I mean, what was wrong with me?

Now that I'm back, the former over-confident girl that I was, is now totally panicking. I read my text (like a high-school freak), look through library resources, and finally makes notes in class that I read for fun during casual hang outs with friends. I've become a zombie who researches extra topics and calls up magazines to pitch my story and drink to cheer the publication of my stories anywhere around Qatar.

People around me has changed too. It's an overwhelming discovery that when you change, your environment changes with you.

So let me describe just one person Jassim, my top nerd of all times, who ironically appears different than the ideas he proposes. Well, you really cannot hold him accountable to this fact because his intentions are justifiable.
He walk into university campus past noon since all his classes start late. He hangs out with his buddies (who happen to be in the basketball team) and go for practice past noon... so our slender "not too sporty" Jassim gets approached by the student body for information on who is playing and where.
He then gets lunch, an ear piece of his headphones in his ear and another hanging from his collar, ordering food and laughing to himself. You might think he's one of those post-modern (hey yo! man!) Arabs, who listens to black music all day... ( Jassim was actually listening to the continuing series of podcast about Ludwig Wittgenstein).

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Going to bed early today. Class starts at 5:00 p.m... so i can sleep in.

Bulletproof - David Guetta

2012-01-17T10:57:00.000+03:00

You shout it loud, but I can't hear a word you say
I'm talking loud, not saying much
I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet
you shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose fire away, fire away
ricochet, you take your aim fire away, fire away
you shoot me down, but I won't fall
I am titanium you shoot me down,
but I won't fall I am titanium

2012-01-16T11:34:00.001+03:00

So according to the new class schedule from University, I have no class on Thursdays. I think it will be really fun to have three days for weekends.
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Feels good to be back in University.

Back to University

2012-01-14T21:53:00.001+03:00

So the year break in over, and I'll be going back to University tomorrow.

Time went by so fast... so did the people who came and went with the wind.

During the past year, I wrote about 14-15 articles for magazines, Worked for developing content for a business website, had fun working with Asian cup, DTFF, and Arab Games. I made some amazing friends too...

Now, back to Uni from tomorrow. I still have the magazine job, but I still need one more part-time.

Laters, after my first day at Uni.

A random conversation at a Diner

2012-01-09T13:26:00.001+03:00

I left the washroom and walked back to my table.

Man 1: Where are you from?
Me: India
Man 2: We were betting here. He said Tunisia. I said Syria.
Me: Liars (in my mind) Oh no! I'm not.
Man 2: What do you do?
Man 1: She comes here every other day. She is صحافية
Man: OH! Where?
Me: Magazine and for webpages of companies.
Man 1: you know Arabic?
Me: Shame, not yet... I learnt it at an organization... can manage.
Man 2: Your friend, he comes here he is from syria.
Me: ya. He''' will come now.
Man 1: Syria and India are friendly countries of Qatar. Come sit with us.
Me: Thank you very much.I'''''"m working on some article. Need to give in today.
Man 2:Good Luck.
Me: See you guys.

Back at my table now. Just got done with the article: "Fun Fact: How to Stop Time" Now working on "Arab Games article" and at night I got to work on "Car Exhibition of street 10" article.All to be done by today.

If I get off mood, I''"ve recently found a new technique to get back in mood.
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Thats for laters.... now back to work

The Milk Of Sorrow

2011-12-26T12:37:00.004+03:00

Last night was my "last" night-shift for Arab Games.

The games are over... the experience was different and splendid as to this was the first job that I did in my life where I was accredited a position as a manager. More than the position, the people working with me made everything come together. We made through very well!

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Watching the movie "The Milk Of Sorrow"

It is a true story.

Fausta is suffering from a rare disease called the Milk of Sorrow, which is transmitted

through the breast milk of pregnant women who were abused or raped during or soon after

pregnancy. While living in constant fear and confusion due to this disease, she must

face the sudden death of her mother. She chooses to take drastic measures to not follow

in her mother's footsteps.

Director Claudia Llosa follows her award-winning feature directorial debut Madeinusa with this stark

meditation on a grim period of South American history in which approximately 70,000 people were

murdered between the years 1980 and 2000. Fausta (Magaly Solier) has fallen ill with a disease

passed down from mother to daughter though breast milk. But Fausta's affliction isn't biological; it

strictly affects Peruvian women who were raped or abused during those two terrible decades of

persecution. While those days are long gone, Fausta stands as a living reminder of the horrors that

once plagued her country, her malady a deep-rooted fear that stripped the young innocent of her soul.

After Fausta's mother dies, the horrified girl is forced to confront her greatest fear by staring straight

into the black heart of her own paranoia. Now, as Fausta sets out to discover her own path to freedom,

she inserts a potato into her vagina in order to protect her body from unwanted intruders.

2011-12-09T14:57:00.000+03:00

So.. night shifts are going great. They made me the "Client Services Manager" for Transport. Not stressful work. Big responsibility. Amazing people and good food. That's everything in a nutshell.

Pass

That's Tahir. Say Hi! ......I wear one of those outfits too.

It's late night. My shift's just started.

Cars awaiting dispatchal

Some of the things I help writing down

Arab Games 2011

2011-12-03T16:25:00.004+03:00

Working in the Airport terminal for the Arab Games. The fun part is, I'm working night shifts 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. There are several terminals around Qatar... and a lot of us who signed in together got spread out in many areas. Well, it's a great way to meet people of different nationalities.

Yesterday I left the games tent with Dexter, for a smoke and a break... and cold wind seeped into jackets bringing a chill of delight. Winter nights.

Man Down

2011-11-27T15:48:00.000+03:00

Dreams of getting back to college is a week away.

Lot of things happened this year. A lot of people came and left. Some stayed.
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Listening to "Man Down" by Rihanna.

"mama, mama, mama I just shot a man down
In central station
In front of a big old crowd
Oh why, oh why
Oh, mama, mama, mama I just shot a man down
In central station"

2011-11-24T07:15:00.000+03:00

So today is Thanksgiving Day...according to the U.S.A calendars.. 4th Tuesday of the month of November.

I remember, many thanksgivings ago, we had a huge turkey, Dilan had come to visit and I was a little girl. That was way before Kim left home... way before "I got out."

This year there is much to "give thanks" for. Most important of all, for the pain-free days I've had for a long time. Ever since I remember myself, I was either having some sort of problem every day of my life. This has been a very successful and joyous year.

2011-11-15T19:25:00.001+03:00

There is "meseera" on my streets. Meseera is the name in this part of the world that they call "a celebration" of certain events or happenings.

Usually a completely dead-end traffic jam where you get stuck for hours with the ringing noises of "beep "beep" of all cars..all of a sudden for no reason and people sitting on top of their cars and spraying soap on yours. That's Maseera.

Right now, my alleyway around the neighborhood is experiencing "maseerah" for reasons unknown to me.
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2011-11-13T11:00:00.000+03:00

Haven't blogged in a while. I've been keeping myself indulged in multiple things.

Waiting to get back into University for Spring Semester.

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2011-11-05T05:28:00.006+03:00

The difference between people and dogs is that dogs know how to be dogs.

2011-10-28T20:17:00.003+03:00

Just got back from work at tribeca. There was no work really today... we sat there, the 4 boys and me, having tea and a cultural bread in Katara. There are great folks to be with.

I'm hitting the clubs tonight... been a while.

2011-10-26T12:05:00.001+03:00

I was all moody after I woke up (blame it on the antibiotics) that I messed up the recordings today. I'll have to repeat all of today's work once again. Bohemian is pissed off at me. I have mood swings that affect my voice? I didn't know that.

The whole time that I was singing I sounded like I had a head cold. And bohemian complains that I sniff a lot at sentence endings.

My night plans all screwed.

I got work at 4:00 till 8:00 and then I'll be back to recording again.

2011-10-26T11:02:00.002+03:00

First day of the fest came to an end without no big problems. Most people did not know where to go... I hope they know today what to do.

It was fun!

I can't sleep

2011-10-25T02:53:00.000+03:00

2011-10-25T00:45:00.002+03:00

So here I am... The Doha Tribecca Film Festival starts tomorrow and I took a decision some hours back to work for them. 5000 QR pay for 5-day-work sounds fabulous! Plus, I'm not working alone....All the guys are in too!

Got training tomorrow morning at 9:00... I must go to bed.

Signs

2011-10-22T11:44:00.001+03:00

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Winter is almost here.

Blues

2011-10-20T15:06:00.000+03:00

I can maybe act like the coldest girl in town... but I seriously do break down when most people do not know.
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I'm being a silly emotional girl today....A friend's leaving town for a while and that has affected me! ... its the antibiotics probably which is making things worse in my nerves. I'm hitting the blues.
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My bohemian surprised me this morning with chocolates and flowers at a cafe. I wish he'd take more care of himself. I admit, I love goodies, things that I can earn, but I'm not really comfortable with sugar-daddies.

Post root canals and me

2011-10-18T10:25:00.002+03:00

Just got back from other root canal procedure. I'm in pain. He removed the temperory filling and cleaned the roots of the teeth for the 20th time since last week. I'm prescribed Claritt 500mg and Metronidazole 500 mg for the inflammation and another temporary filling is placed. He thinks I'll be in pain for the next two days.

I'm so glad that I can at least take some medications now...before I was allergic to all medications... now I have only a few allergies pertaining to penicillin and some others.

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Going to hold this pain and go work in some cafe. I need to intake more protein for tissue repair..... coffee and sugar intervenes in the tissue repair process so it's not the ideal thing at the moment, but I need to find an alternative to stay awake till night, working.

I just hope these days come to an end slowly with great results. Looking forward to pain-free days. My bohemian thinks after the painful days are over, I'll learn to appreciate normal days... and not complain as usual "about the zillion things" he said... huh! As if!

I love his nerves to stand up to my partly-bullying and partly encouraging nature towards sole success. I don't bully people! I don't encourage them to succeed either. He's just wrong. I'm usually thinking how to make use of the very little time I have on earth to get myself to success.

He keeps saying that I'm not just going to walk towards success all by myself... I might need someone to walk with me through it. I always thought, alone the better.... I really can't stand people whining next to me or sleeping while I want to go forward with my day. I hate bohemian's guts. I love his persuading power. Can you believe someone can persuade me to trust him? Trust him I will, but keep your distance! I don't need emotions on my walk on this road. "But that's the same road that I'm on, " he chips in. arrrgh.

There are days that I'm not myself.

2011-10-17T11:55:00.000+03:00

I've not been myself yesterday and today.

I got lost into unexpected things... Got to finish Mr. Sd's papers, give in magazine article in two days and also lead a healthy social life with the regular folks. Balance it while I'm stressed, seems impossible while having this huge temper change and post root canal pains.

I swear to God... I'm just flushed out. Totally!

A friend of mine recently told me that failure comes from trying to please everyone. So that's what I tried to do in the last two days. So to please one person, you might have to lie to some others. Stupid me. I really don't want to explain later to them either.... it's just shit.

Anyways, I wish this week passes by quickly and help me forget all the things of non-priority.

Sometimes a perfect lie can be an undeniable fracture to your own feelings.

2011-10-12T18:59:00.000+03:00

Melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass...

My Bohemian, I really really love you.

2011-10-12T18:57:00.000+03:00

Never-ending work

2011-10-08T21:38:00.000+03:00

Got to finish the Al-bairaq article today for QU. Some more quotes to add from my recording and I'm ready to page meg with the articles and pics.
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...taking appointments to meet some nutritionists this week to interview them on the food habits of people in Qatar and to find out the right food for the body throughout the extreme seasons of Qatar. They'll be using this article on the issue next month.

2011-10-07T21:05:00.002+03:00

Jenny: If people die the moment that they graduate, then surely it's the things we do beforehand that count.

Follow up on the saudi story

2011-10-01T16:31:00.002+03:00

The flogging of the woman who defied law and drove a car, has been revoked by the king.

2011-10-01T16:14:00.002+03:00

Viqi just sat with me at sheesha... we caught up on the things of ol'.

People in University who studied with me are either getting married or engaged. Two of my buddies for sheesha and work got married a week ago.

Viqi got engaged. Moe's bro is getting married and my sis too.

I really don't want people to wait for me to change my mind and consider them. It scares me when people swear to wait... it just does not work that way with me. And once I become close to anyone... one day they cannot do without me and I get stuck with not knowing what decision to make unless they take the first step to move away. I get confused, scared and stuck. Yeah... I admit, that's what happens with me.

Marriage or even dating is something that is far away from my mindset at the moment. I quit believing in the reasons to do it ages ago. Maybe I fell in love once.. twice? Infatuation, not love.

These days I'm just married to my career... and thanks to close friends who hold up their emotions and encourage me to go on to succeed. In this post I really want to appreciate some of them with whom I could slowly forget the past and build on dreams. I appreciate them for being so permanent and for being strong for me.
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Just some days I get time to think.... and gosh! Sheesha really gets into my soul.

2011-10-01T06:54:00.000+03:00

Alright the news I shared in the previous post is really exciting...but check what came out two days after the lift on election-ban for women:

Saudi woman faces flogging for driving - Amnesty

JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia, Sept 27 (Reuters) - A Saudi court has sentenced a woman to 10 lashes for challenging a ban on women driving in the conservative Muslim kingdom, Amnesty International said on Tuesday.

The sentence was reported two days after Saudi King Abdullah granted women the right to vote and run in municipal elections. He also promised to include them in the next all-appointed consultative Shura Council in 2013.

Women in Saudi Arabia to vote and run in elections

2011-09-27T09:35:00.002+03:00

Women in Saudi Arabia are to be given the right to vote and run in future municipal elections, King Abdullah has announced.

He said they would also have the right to be appointed to the consultative Shura Council.

The move was welcomed by activists who have called for greater rights for women in the kingdom, which enforces a strict version of Sunni Islamic law

2011-09-26T16:45:00.000+03:00

Made a collage of end of 2011 highlights and made it my background image. Hope you guys like the new look of the blog. Did this when I ran out of work at work. I'd still make more changes before winter approaches.

2011-09-21T12:21:00.001+03:00

I don't know about you... but this is how I want to wake up everyday: inspired.

And.. how wonderful to wake up besides someone who tells you a new thought or a golden idea when you see him...
When it is not money that really keeps us going, but the thrill of a throbbing idea!

2011-09-17T15:25:00.002+03:00

Quote from a movie I saw a long time ago ( Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind):

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

A friend was looking through the list of movies he has and played through this particular movie. He asks me if I have seen it because he'd loved to see it with me again if I haven't yet. I have studied the movie in University and seen it several times.

And how can I not love the movie when I feel like Clementine half my life.

"Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind."

"I mean, I'm always anxious, thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, taking advantage of every possibility, making sure I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have."

I love colors, love fantasizing and love getting off of this real world every once in a while. Want to stand in front of a "make a wish" sign post and say something so random as Clem said "I want to be a great big, huge elephant... with a trunk like that."

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Skipped gym today because I got really sick this morning. I was thinking I'd stay in bed and drink soup and watch some movies that I missed this year. Now I'm having second thoughts of going to Starbucks and get blueberry muffins and a latte; and complete the little piece of writing I got to finish.

Here is a little clip of Clem and Joel. I could watch this movie over again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFHLE24hDQY&feature=related

2011-09-13T06:17:00.001+03:00

Haven't blogged in a while... Right now I'm sitting in a hotel room with guests and I decided to quickly blog before we start the meeting. First off, it's freezing in here and I'm wearing double clothes like the others here... the sun through the window looks "appetizing."

Recently I decided to throw out my closet and get different outfits. In the last few months I tried to get by easily, by wearing black tops and blue jeans or black jeans and purple and brown fuzzy tops. Occasionally I would wear something different to a club or a party. It was an easy way of living and I could confuse people easily by just switching the top, or adding an accessory such as a hat or a colored belt or maybe a short scarf that made a knot on my neck.
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So a friend and I got fishing equipments this weekend. My idea was just to do fishing, but I think he breaks a bone in his skull each time he waits for "a fish to hook into the bait" like he said, so he had this brilliant idea of diving and fishing. I wasn't really sure of fishes making me a bait... But he said we're going for fishes that don't use bait at all. We fixed our oxygen (heavy!) and dived in.
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People are only starting to come in. It's going to be one long day!

2011-08-26T10:12:00.000+03:00

It's like a dream come true :-D I'm performing tonight....I feel sooo alive.

2011-08-26T01:27:00.003+03:00

You make me dance
Bring me up, bring me down
Play it sweet
Make me move like a freak
Mister Saxobeat

Makes me dance
Brings me up, brings me down
Plays it sweet
Makes me move like a freak
Mister Saxobeat

2011-08-24T16:09:00.000+03:00

Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating

quick update

2011-08-19T17:29:00.000+03:00

Let me tell you how my week looked like: I had a root canal, took an Ex-ray for finding the right brace type for my teeth, did research for QOBS, made shopping lists, did huge shoppings in different malls while breaking iftar with friends at a new place each time.
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The fasting period is giving me a good time to take care of my teeth. I started using the daily dose capsules of seven seas Cod Liver oil for Vitamin A, D and C.

2011-08-13T17:57:00.001+03:00

Got another filling at the dentist today. It feels so good to have food finally, without worrying about bits getting stuck in my teeth holes.
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Heading to the gym and pool.

I missed the old routine, so plans are, dinner and then going to study at sheesha. I want to later go photographing Doha city past midnight.

2011-08-11T14:30:00.000+03:00

Article on depression just got done. I interviewed my psychiatrist today for insights and quotes for my article. Each time I finish my article I have the feeling of passing an exam and feel so overjoyed!

2011-08-09T22:58:00.001+03:00

Not all those who wander are lost.

2011-08-08T21:36:00.000+03:00

Stressed today. Skipped gym.

Got Jery's and Ebru's interview. I'm developing the content now. Going to do late gym before midnight.
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I'll be fasting with the Muslim folks from tomorrow.

If time is all I have

2011-08-05T21:02:00.000+03:00

A friend send me this song as an early birthday awakening. James Blunt has always been on my top play- lists.

Listen to it on the sidebar as the music plays. Lyrics below.

When you wake up
Turn the radio on
And you'll hear this simple song

That I made up
That I made up for you

When you're driving
Turn the radio up
Cause I can't sing loud enough
Hard these days
To get my message through

If time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

When you marry
And you look around
I'll be somewhere in that crowd
Torn up, that it isn't me

When you're older
The memories fade
But I know I'll still feel the same
For as long as I live

But if time is all I have
I'll waste it all on you

Each day I'll turn it back
It's what the broken-hearted do
I'm tired of talking to an empty space
Of silences keeping me awake

Won't you say my name, one time
Please just say my name

2011-08-05T17:31:00.003+03:00

There is nothing in this world that has excited me, turned me on, as much as the presence of a man who makes absolute sense when he talks with me.

2011-08-05T14:40:00.002+03:00

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.

T. E. Lawrence

2011-07-31T20:48:00.001+03:00

Writing an article for the magazine on "depression."

Ramadan begins tomorrow

2011-07-31T20:39:00.001+03:00

It was officially announced yesterday that the fasting month of Ramadan begins tomorrow in Qatar. Ramadan in Qatar is something that you eagerly wait for, if you have lived here all your life, like me.

A long time ago, when I was a child, my dad used to bring an Arabic dish, Arees, from his office. We can still get the dish from shops outside in other months, made with flour that is ground using a machine, but the one my dad used to get from his office was specially made in one of the sheikh's kitchen, where the cooks chose the recipes and ground the flour themselves all afternoon until they got the right state of mixture just in time for the break in fasting. Neighbors used to bring us other home-made food items, rolls, pastries and others, the kind I've never tasted before. I used to wait for the sound of the gun-shot followed by the adhan (call to prayer) after which all these exceptional things would come into the little girl's house where, otherwise her days would be monotonous.

That was a long time ago...

Nowadays, nothing exceptional happens, and I have a car to go get the stuff I want or friends to spend time with, but the thrill of a long time ago, maybe isn't the same, but still stays in my heart every time in becomes Ramadan in Qatar.

2011-07-28T01:51:00.001+03:00

There is a distinct difference between having an open mind, and having a hole in your head.

Oh Prisoner Of Hope

2011-07-27T17:59:00.001+03:00

I wrote this poem in 2007 as an 18 year old.... Just found it at "writing.com"... (I don't feel like the same these days.. but I think I was a real depressed freak back in 2007)

Oh Prisoner Of Hope

What do you do when everything in life fails you?

What if all you have done is roll in the dust, and figure out that each day has passed by leaving marks of agony and anguish all the way?
Beautiful figures slip about, around you…
Just like the paper angels you made in your art class with lots of gum and glitter of your choice.
Everything glitters; Everything is refined.
Everything in darkness comes into light. Yes! Money has power.
But where are you going?
Where is that spirit of happiness you carried in you as a young child? Where is that laughter of youth?
It has been so long Natasha my friend, my love.
So long since you crossed your hands as they cuffed it and dragged you away.
All that you know now, is the taste of the whip.
You have been chemically changed; The evening of your life has come;
But life refuses to give away.
You are beautiful Natasha, although you beauty has been marred, with hurts and open wounds of ages past.
What I admire the most is your eyes, Oh Natasha;
As you flick it open and shut and keep it shut for a long time; Its your eyes that cheat you; It cheats the quivering of your lips and the paleness of your cheeks.
Flames are dancing in it and wild laughter fills it.
When the whippings are stronger, fountains flow out of it unable to quench that fire in your eyes.
O Natasha, O prisoner of hope.

2011-07-25T20:54:00.001+03:00

I did my exam well. Spending time at home today... Busy day tomorrow.
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2011-07-25T12:57:00.002+03:00

Okay so today it is clogged ears that wouldn't pop open...hate this half deaf feeling. I went swimming everyday in the pool. Maybe that's why.
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2011-07-24T19:37:00.002+03:00

Test tomorrow. 6 more lessons to study.
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The main character of the movie, Lust for life (1956) portrays the life and period of the real-life painter Vincent van Gogh.

He had an interesting life. Something he did not enjoy of course, but something I would meditate on forever. I would say that "Any good musician, painter, writer or sculpturer has a certain level of sadness or any strong emotion that makes them excel at what they do."

Vincent van Gogh was born on March 30, 1853 in Zundert, a town in the southern Netherlands. As a child, he was an insatiable reader, with wide-ranging interests, including religion. Although his mother was a talented artist, van Gogh did not pursue art in his early life. He was especially close to his younger brother, Theodore (Theo), his most staunch supporter through-out his life

In 1873, at age 20, van Gogh traveled to London, fell in love with an English girl by whom he was rejected. Saddened and disillusioned, he resigned himself to a solitary life as a language teacher and a lay preacher in England. From 1879 to 1880, van Gogh did missionary work in southwestern Belgium. He had deep sympathy for the poor and unfortunate. He gave away all of his possessions and fell into despair and poverty. In his solitude, van Gogh began to draw. He also underwent a spiritual awakening and decided that his mission in life was to console humanity through art.

Van Gogh moved to Paris, where his brother Theo worked as an art-dealer. Theo introduced him to many of the popular painters of the time, including Paul Gaugin, Camille Pissarro, and Georges Seurat. In 1888 he settled in Arles in Provence, where he painted his famous series of Sunflowers. He invited Gaugin to live with him, but the relationship suffered because of extreme conflict and personality differences. Gaugin left shortly thereafter. In extreme despair, at the age of 35, on Christmas Eve of 1888, Van Gogh cut off a part of his left ear. Mentally ill, he was treated at the hospital in Arles shortly after this event. He was then committed to the asylum in St. Remy, where he was under medical supervision for 12 months. He continued to paint while in the asylum.

Vincent van Gogh shot himself on July 27, 1890. He died two days later.

www.psych.ucalgary.ca/pace/va-lab/avde-website/vangogh.html

2011-07-24T07:49:00.000+03:00

Falling from grace, and she's all over the place.

2011-07-20T22:08:00.003+03:00

I tore some ligaments and tendons of my thumb today trying to honk at a range that was going to hit my car. I slid to the parking to avoid being hit. The guy went back into his lane and apologized and left... and left me wondering "what was that sound I heard on my thumb?"

Could not type at my keyboard in the office using my right hand. (FYI: I'm a crab-fingered typist, which means I use only one hand in a perfect fashion to type without even looking at the keys. I'm not used to the left.)
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There is this guy that I meet once in every blue moon. Sometimes I wonder if his purpose of meeting me is to prove something to me. Maybe its all true.. maybe just phony. A long time ago I used to "hate it with a passion", but now I've learnt to enjoy every moment I get in this life... even if the person in front of me is an absolute stranger.

2011-07-20T12:01:00.000+03:00

Some days I write grammatically well-structured sentences, that makes no sense.

Some days when the sun's rays dont reach me

2011-07-19T11:39:00.003+03:00

So he was telling me today "you don't go down to anybody's levels Dona." He told me that we are living in a time and age where people are always trying to climb to the top. "Now I'm not just talking about your writing here, I'm talking about your life in general. You never lower your standards for anyone."

So there I was today...sitting in front of my boss and getting life lessons... I needed it. Back at my desk now and I've got a million things swimming through my mind. For one, I've never really asked him anything about himself. Where he has been, or what he has been up to all his life. I feel a necessity to connect.

Somedays I'm just totally disconnected from him and my collegues. I can still do work though...work that lacks a certain flow just like my thoughts. I really must practice going back to reading what I wrote and double-checking. For some unknown reason I'm feeling totally depressed. I think I'll be continuing work from home today... can't really focus. Ms J and A feel low today too. Just some days...some days.
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So today I finish work at 1 p.m. as usual and head for the gym and pool. Arabic class after that and then I got to prepare for an exam and then writings for the magazine. Still got lots of interviews left. And also, I have to do writings for work.

2011-07-18T11:27:00.001+03:00

I'm a restless spirit...

What's the best way to catch a falling child?

2011-07-18T09:51:00.000+03:00

A toddler who fell 10 storeys and survived after being caught by a passer-by has been making headlines around the world. But what is the best way to catch a falling child?

Zhang Fangyu, better known by her nickname Niu Niu, has become a very famous two-year-old, particularly in her native China.
The toddler has woken from a 10-day coma after falling from the window of her family's apartment in eastern Zhejiang province earlier this month. Her fall was broken by a 31-year-old woman, Wu Juping, who was knocked out by the impact and fractured her arm.
Physicists say the key to minimising injury to both child and catcher is to try and spread the energy of the impact over as much time as possible, perhaps by falling away while making the catch.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14150524

2011-07-16T10:18:00.001+03:00

Jay was like "I don't date anyone.. the world has made that term!"

In the christian term it's called "courtship."
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2011-07-14T15:19:00.001+03:00

Let's flip a coin . If it land on heads you are mine. If on tail, I'm yours. ♥

2011-07-14T11:19:00.001+03:00

Sitting at work now... researching on the differences between "catalogs" and "catalogues" and writing a page about the same.

I really enjoy the work I do at Qatar Online Business Solutions. I enjoy it because: 1) I love researching and writing, 2) I have perfect work timings (any 4 hours between 9 a.m and 7 p.m.)...most importantly, the guy I work for, has these great ideas that many people in Qatar do not actually bring to reality. ...I'm very positive about the future of the company I'm working for. I don't think I'll leave this job even when I get back to completing my Journalism major by next year.

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Getting back to work....

Heartbeats ♥

2011-07-10T03:02:00.003+03:00

Was any one listening to "Amy Diamond's" 5 years ago?

I started listening to her hits today, and fell in love with them. My favourite song of her's is "Heartbeats" which she sang at the age of 17. My friend got me a lazer disc music player (A very thoughtful gift) and it had a default song of Amy Diamond in it. The lazer hits the roof and produces magnificent shapes of all kinds (stars and midnight blinks and hearts and love and in the colors of red; blue; and green. I love sleeping with these lights flashing across my roof.

This is an internet image of the disc, and the light it produces in my roof at night! Thanks soul friend!

It produces a light similar to the patterns in this internet picture, in my room, and I can play it in high/low speed.

2011-07-09T14:11:00.000+03:00

I have an exam on Monday. Preparing for it. Got to give in the website "profile ideas" to my boss by tomorrow. It's been a stressful week but I had lots of fun during the weekend.

An hourly event

2011-06-29T13:44:00.003+03:00

There is no "one permanent success" that a person achieves in a lifetime. Success is an hourly event.
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I have always been fond of "logical thinking" but I do not consider myself a realist. Reality is a prison, and it does not allow you to dream.

So, my mind that flows through the pathway of logic, is in search for an everlasting dream. Let your mind set you free.

The loo effect

2011-06-24T17:41:00.002+03:00

Friday afternoon.

I'm all better, at least strong enough to get out of the house to get some fresh air. I don't really mind the fiery sun today.
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I recorded some song yesterday at the "loo." Well, embarrassing maybe, but I could not get audacity to produce the same sound effect that the loo has. It's not exactly an echo, I don't even know what to call it. Maybe.. a "vibrant low profile resonant effect?"

2011-06-23T11:52:00.000+03:00

I got sick last night. Food poisoning I think. Kept throwing up the whole night and had a fever of 100 degrees F.

Much better now that it's morning, but I'm still tired...and have no energy in me. I did not go to work and might stay home resting the whole day. I got send flowers by the Lionel's. Flowers red, yellow and white. I don't know the kind. Makes me happy. Most of one's sickness goes away when one becomes happy.

Going to sleep again now. The room smells like flowers.

When sings my soul...

2011-06-19T03:05:00.000+03:00

It's noisy everywhere.. even where I live.

I cannot sing out into the streets. Tried the rooftop but my voice would still go into the neighborhood.

There is not a place that I know, other than my car, where no one goes to and where there is no noise so that I can sing out without fear of who is hearing and how it sounds. I don't mind if they hear it later. But for the beginnings I need to be alone.

It's 3 a.m. I lay on bed typing away at this post and I'm amazed at the fact that there is no place, when sings my soul, in languish to let out itself, into a place that I can call my own.

2011-06-12T16:36:00.002+03:00

Got the text from him last night. The most awaited text of the week. I'm ready to move on to the next job. Updates will come up after my first day.
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KJ said he'll bring me some camel milk tonight. Wonder how that's going to taste.

2011-06-05T16:05:00.000+03:00

Moodie is doing well in his work. Heights of my joy!!

I really feel alive when I know that anything I've said to somebody has not been spoken to thin air or wasted.
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Called up three libraries today. I'm looking for a book. Can't find it.

2011-06-03T19:39:00.000+03:00

Watched the movie "A walk to remember" after two years.

Quote:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

To patiently wait for the one you love is a quality only a few people possess. Most give up, because nobody wants to be lonely and wait for a long time.
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There is another dust storm in Qatar. Last week there was a violent one, but today the climate is placid and only the sky is depressing. I made myself some home-made burgers and fries and I'm watching the movie "A brief vacation," an old one.

Moodie went for Shafi's brother's wedding, and he and Rumbleton will pick me up in two hours to go for tea. I feel relaxed these days.

2011-06-01T11:53:00.000+03:00

Lets do the things we normally do,
I'll say see you later and sing a line or two,
from your rebel song sung out of tune,
Don't hold my hand for longer than you need to..
Don't look me in the eye more than you need to..
Don't try to say goodbye if I don't want to.

-Dido

2011-05-28T11:18:00.002+03:00

Sunshine flowed into my room today because I forgot to pull the curtains before I went to bed. 10 minutes of exercise and then hit the shower. Going shopping today for gym stuff.
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Infatuation?
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Miley Cyrus:

For those who don't know me, I can get a bit crazy
Have to get my way, 24 hours a day
...
I go through guys like money flyin' out their hands
They try to change me but they realize they can't
And every tomorrow is a day I never planned
If you're gonna be my man, understand
I can't be tamed, I can't be saved
I can't be blamed

2011-05-27T16:36:00.001+03:00

I sat down chewing the rag for a while with ol' Hales this morning in Costa. Hales has red hair...even the hair on his goddamn body is red. He's the sort of guy you can talk about just anything you want to do in life and he would not think you are crazy.
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I have yet much to discover about myself. I do not particularly understand how to use my ever-indulging interest in the highest form of love and total servitude in a satisfying fashion. I have hardly expressed my self to anyone other than a friend or two, but I guess in the west, this is a massive movement.
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I asked moody not to express himself everyday to me. Only on Fridays. I see that he has got lots to tell me every day and he just keeps it in himself. I saw that in him especially yesterday. He spoke something about me and then changed the topic to something else. So today he's going to tell me everything. I see this is a good way because during the week you learn to suppress solidarity feelings and filter it on the weekend and when spoken, it sounds more like something you "thought over." The boy is doing great with his new job and has picked up language quicker than anyone I've known. I got 20 minutes and he'll come pick me up now.
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I've had a very productive week.

2011-05-24T13:10:00.000+03:00

Reading Salman Rushdie's "Midnight's Children"

2011-05-19T11:35:00.004+03:00

There is a dust storm outside and I'm staying indoors this afternoon.

I want to buy a air vaporizer, but do not know where to get one in Qatar.
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The mongosten seed I planted in the garden soil sprouted some leaves.

Still wondering about the "apocalypse" the world believes in since many people I know say something will happen before the end of this month.
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I met Khalid after a long time.

2011-05-16T16:54:00.001+03:00

Life is short, Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret ANYTHING
That makes you smile

Mark Twain

2011-05-16T14:01:00.001+03:00

Finally got the Qtel folks to fix my internet. I felt proud of myself when I was able to talk to them clean Urdu. I really can't believe I have mastered a language without even knowing that it was happening...thanks to some pathans whom I befriended on my journey of life.
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Hmm what else? I opened up to moodie and told him certain things today at lunch. I think he understands me a lot these days... so does his other friends.
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I'm eating Nutella chocolate and brown bread. Going to watch a movie now and simply relax. Will pull it off in the evening with a sheesha and dinner.

Today is an off day, and tomorrow I got work :p ahhh.

2011-05-14T13:06:00.000+03:00

Stayed a whole night at Ghariya. Went with lots of food and coolers. One thing we don't wanna happen to us after we go far away to a beach is, starve.

The water was AMAZING and we left the tent open to sleep with the creeps. Had a good time.
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I tried strumming today to "price tag" by Jessie J, and should tell you, I've gotten way better than before...

Home now, just showered... The heat outside is a killer.

2011-05-12T18:23:00.000+03:00

Jessie J - Price tag

Seems like everybody's got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile

Why is everybody so serious
Acting so damn mysterious
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time

Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag

2011-05-10T16:23:00.001+03:00

Over the course of years, I have learned to keep myself happy everyday based on the work of my hands, the satisfaction in my spirit and the "right" of things. My happiness should not ever depend on the existence of another human being regardless of how important the person might be, because I'm put here on this earth for such a limited period of time. I do believe though, in "healthy companionships."
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I've been really busy, packing and buying things for my travels. It was loyd's birthday last evening.

2011-05-05T17:50:00.000+03:00

Can May 21st be the dooms day after all?

US preacher warns end of the world is nigh: 21 May, around 6pm, to be precise

The end of the world is nigh; 21 May, to be precise. That's the date when Harold Camping, a preacher from Oakland, California, is confidently predicting the Second Coming of the Lord. At about 6pm, he reckons 2 per cent of the world's population will be immediately "raptured" to Heaven; the rest of us will get sent straight to the Other Place.

- The Independent

Rasui has Graduated

2011-05-05T15:43:00.001+03:00

Hats off to him. He was always a bright kid in CS.

Were I close to him like I was a long time ago, I would have been there standing next to him wearing his cap, while he wears the gown. That was my dream.

But it's no use pretending anymore when you know that the string has been pulled when you were still at the end of the line.

"Rasui" which means "dream" in Egyptian was only a fictional character that I build hopes about in every love trip to messaid.

Today he is pages of my drafts for a future publication. Rasui, my own Rasui.

2011-05-05T04:51:00.001+03:00

After all the "hoopla" about the death of Osama Bin Laden, theories suggest he died eight years ago during the battle for Tora Bora in Afghanistan, either from a US bomb or from a serious kidney disease.
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My consultant thinks that I should cut down more on coffee and start sleeping more. He prescribed "valporate sod. chron" that would sedate my mind and help me sleep more. It doesn't seem to work as I haven't slept in the last two days and I've taken the med for a week now. Instead I've lost appetite, and have gone down to 56 kgs.
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I'll be traveling to do my sugery for hyperhidrosis next month. Job will resume soon afterward.
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Sweet Dreams

2011-05-01T18:33:00.002+03:00

I love this song Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics. The video is about a woman who wakes up in bed and goes into a thought..a lady dressed as a school teacher, is telling her students that sweet dreams are made of this, and if you travel the whole world you'll understand that everybody just wants to use you. This is the only education she wants to give her students.

Listen to the song as it plays...

Sweet Dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Hunger is an escort to deep things

2011-04-26T13:06:00.000+03:00

I'd rather sit in the house of mourning;
Than at the table with fools;

Blessed are the hungry,
You said it, I believe it;
Hunger is an escort, to deeper things of you.

- Misty Edwards

2011-04-21T18:26:00.001+03:00

I'm on a liquids-only diet and it has done amazing things with me. I have lost 13 lbs(pounds) over the last 10 days. I'm starting to believe in wonders, but I crave for food every minute that I'm not with friends, not watching a movie, not reading Clancy, not strumming the guitar to lose my mind, not interviewing for a deadline or not sleeping. All the other times, I crave a burger, or even just anything. I can't really focus on studying. I open my Arabic course book and I'm just hungry. I'm aiming for 21 days.
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I drink juices that I make at home, liquid formed after keeping okra overnight in water, green tea and at night a juice of crushed leaves for iron. I feel fresh, but I think of food all the time.
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2011-04-18T12:17:00.000+03:00

Reading "The Sum of all fears" by Tom Clancy

2011-04-03T18:23:00.000+03:00

It's 6:00 in the evening and the April sky has rolled up into a deep purple.

The path I've chosen is scary and lonely... but my heart calls to go on. This year-break is worthwhile as long as I keep up with the race. I have to work up things to change my sponsorship...lot of forms, letters, process.
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Nathan will come pick me later at night. It will change my mood he said. I haven't had a special outing in a really long time. It's always been work and study. I realize, "hoping for something" is not as good enough as actually cutting out all kinds of company and getting work done.

The most awaited book is being written. It will take more time. I've not been ok today. I visited ol' places to pick up emotions to write.
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I have several friends who love keeping their profile low. I was, and still is, a "fame freak." Would sacrifice love life, company, marriage anything for fame. Only God knows the future.

2011-04-02T00:25:00.000+03:00

Was just listening to the song "I Can't Wait," by Akon. Takes me back to the time when I first heard it.

My stomach has been upset all day today. It's nothing I ate, because I've eaten only veggies and fruits today.

Submitted my financial aid documents today.
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2011-03-25T03:10:00.001+03:00

Terminator Salvation

"What is it that makes us human? It's not something you can program. You can't put it into a chip. It's the strength of the human heart. The difference between us and machines."

"There is a storm on the horizon. A time of hardship and pain...There is no fate, but what we make."
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I had a good night. Friday, Saturday and then work starts again...I wonder how Rasui is doing in life.
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Nason and I had a beautiful awakening today. The plan has chipped in so well, I feel it will last.
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A complex in Gharaffa was calling sale on several electronic items this evening. 20 riyals for laptop bags and accesories. 20 Riyals for 4 GB USBs...and several other stuff. Felt like a junkyard shopping. Garage Sale?

2011-03-21T10:54:00.002+03:00

Just finished my two day volunteer work with MotoGP. Yesterday was the last race. We worked in yellow overalls caps and MotoGP vets holding lollipops and some of us on the field.

I was the only girl in the teams of Pit-lanes, Marshalls, trackers, medicals, bike racers... a team of 600-700 people...I realized that when the teams grouped up to get paid.

But yesterday was an amazing day of my life. Live bike racing in front of my eyes, on the field..with international media around me.
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With dad, mom and my sister being on their own, I need to get a room of my own...even bed space. I also need a pet dog...I need something of my own.
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INFO:

MotoGP is the world's premier motorcycling championship, with a season of 18 Grands Prix in 14 countries bringing together the world's top motorcycle manufacturers such as Honda, Yamaha, Suzuki, Ducati and Aprilia, plus an elite crop of top riders from every corner of the globe.

2011-03-16T18:06:00.003+03:00

Changing my sponsorship in one month time. Time-consuming process they say. I hope I can get all the documentation ready on time.

2011-03-16T06:23:00.000+03:00

Find out what we're made of..
You can count on me like 1,2,3 I'll be there,
and I know when I need it
I can count on you like 4,3,2 you'll be there..
Cz thats what friends are supposed to do.

-- bruno mars

2011-03-14T18:20:00.001+03:00

I came in today morning at 6:00 and slept till 10. Woke up, finished my articles and submitted it and then ran down to pick up my cheque from the office for January Campus.
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I rode the cycle for a longtime today. Reading "A woman of Substance." Will go out later to catch some coffee and practice Arabic. hmm..relaxing evening.

2011-03-10T11:36:00.000+03:00

I learned to cycle on my own now. I can't still make turns.
Today is the third day of my liquids only diet aka fasting. I need to continue this until I waste my calories to how I used to look 10 months ago.

Might travel again soon.

2011-03-07T13:56:00.004+03:00

Saw him peeking at me from the side doors...I put my laptop down and ran down to see the white shirt stranger and saw the dark Grey salon speed by.

I've been cycling cycling all day long...my balance is still not okay.
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This week I've promised myself to learn to play the "hunter" song by Dido on the guitar.
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Laying on bed at dawn today....I had this weird nightmare as I lay awake...

I have not hanged out with a girl (other than with my mom of course, once a blue moon) for about 5-6 months now. I hang out with gentlemen 24 cross 7! I wonder what will be the impact on me..

I have of course found among them>> best-friends, passionate friends and "cannot-do-without" friends... but as the days pass by, I wonder if I'm losing my already meager girlishness.
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Plastic Surgeries.